A Virginia restaurant convinced us mannequins are a terrifying idea for MLB ballparks


There was an intense discussion last month about how sports leagues could make stadiums empty amid the coronavirus pandemic a little less empty. KBO, for example, recently collected cardboard cutouts from the countertops.

A suggestion that has already been implemented in the Taiwan baseball league, Is placing mannequins in empty seats. The theoretical advantage of this over cardboard cutouts is additional realism.

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In practice, however, the mannequins are terrifying. Please don't use mannequins, MLB.

What led us to this anti-dummy conclusion? Images of Virgina-based restaurant filling their empty tables with plastic figures. Outside fans of horror films and particularly courageous ones, the place is forbidden for those who want to have a relaxing gastronomic experience.

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The waiters at the Inn at Little Washington dining establishment will apparently serve wine from the dummies and ask questions. Seriously.

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Now imagine salespeople walking up and down the baseball stadium aisles, handing out peanuts and Cracker Jack to disquieting dolls. An excerpt from the seventh round in which the dummies are programmed to sing "Take me to the ball game" in unison.

This is a world we hope to never live in.

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